'Stepfather'  written by Erma Bombeck January 6, 1980   from her book: Forever, Erma  (1996)

In addition to imitation mayonnaise, fake fur, sugar substitutes and plastic that wears like iron, the nuclear family has added another synthetic to its life: step people.
There are stepmothers, stepfathers, stepsons and stepdaughters. The reception they get is varied.
Some are looked upon as relief pitchers who are brought in late but are optimistic enough to try to win the game. Some are regarded as double agents, who in the end will pay for their crimes.
There are few generalizations you can make about step-people, except they're all locked into an awkward family unit none of them are too crazy about.
I know. I've been there. Perhaps you've heard of me. I became a hyphenated child a few years after my "real" father died. I was the only stepchild in North America to have a stepfather who had the gall to make me go to bed when I was sleepy, do homework before I went to school, and who yelled at me for wearing bedroom slippers in the snow.
My real father wouldn't have said that.
My stepfather punished me for sassing my mother, wouldn't allow me to waste food and wouldn't let me spend money I didn't have.
My real father wouldn't have done that.
My stepfather remained silent when I slammed doors in his face, patient when I insisted my mother take "my side" and emotionless when I informed him he had no rights.
My real father wouldn't have taken that.
My stepfather paid for my needs and my whims, was there through all my pain of growing up....and checked himself out of the VA hospital to give me away at my wedding.
My real father.....was there all the time, and I didn't know it.
   What is a "real" mother, father, son or daughter? "Real" translates to something authentic, genuine, permanent. Something that exists.
It has nothing to do with labor pains, history, memories or beginnings. All love begins with one day and builds.
"Step" in the dictionary translates to "a short distance." It's shorter than you think.


Erma Bombeck is one of my favorite authors, I love reading her books about parenting, raising children, marriage and family life. She wrote thousands of columns from 1965 until her death in 1996.

I am a stepmother, I can honestly say that I love my step daughters like my own children. I wish the same things for them as I do my own. It is not easy being a step parent, my situation is a bit different than most I think, we do not live close enough to my step daughters (4 hours drive) to make as much of a difference in their lives as I'd have liked to. They are both adults now, the oldest one with  child of her own.
Reading this column in her book just struck a chord with me. Love takes time, effort and commitment.  You never give up.